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Furman Counseling Center

Responding to a Tragedy

The Furman Counseling Center would like to offer you some information about the variety of ways that people can respond to a tragedy or loss. Understanding normal responses to abnormal situations can help you to better take care of yourself and others.

Common responses to international, national, or regional tragedies

  • Shock and disbelief. Immediately after learning about a disaster, many people may feel numb or feel like such an event can't be real. People may not realize immediately that they are having an emotional reaction.
  • Feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Profound feelings of loss: for loved ones or acquaintances, for your sense of safety, for the world as you knew it.
  • Speculating about what happened, and continuing interest in seeking more information such as listening to or watching the news, checking the web for updates, talking to others about what you each know or have heard.
  • Grief, sadness, anger, and/or outrage about the tragedy.
  • Wanting to check in with loved ones, even if they are not close to the disaster or in any immediate danger. It's normal to want to touch base with people you care about at times like this.
  • Feeling upset that things aren't getting back to normal, or wondering how they'll ever be normal again.
  • Feeling upset that others seem to be getting back to normal so quickly.
  • Feeling down about whether or not it’s appropriate to be worried about things that concerned you before the tragedy and that now may seem trivial in comparison.

Dealing with your reactions

First, recognize that you have been exposed to an event and that it is bound to affect you in some way.  Remember that there is no right or wrong way to think or feel about the tragedy and that any reaction you have is valid.

Be accepting of your own feelings and reactions, but understand that others around you may react to and cope with this event in ways that are very different from yours. You may feel that others are being inappropriately light-hearted or, conversely, are being more somber than you feel yourself. As much as possible, try not to be judgmental. All of us will find slightly different ways to deal with a crisis.

Talking to others about the event can be very helpful. Telling family or friends about your experience of the event and your feelings about it can be an important part of the recovery process.

Be patient with yourself as you resume the activities and tasks that are part of your everyday life. It may be difficult or impossible to plunge back into your schedule immediately; on the other hand, you may feel guilty if you do. Going on with your life in no way represents a lack of respect for the gravity of the tragedy. In fact, it is only through people getting on with their lives that we can take care of each other and address the situations that caused and resulted from the disaster.

Be aware of how much information about the event you are able to take in. For some of us, having as much information as possible helps us cope; however, if you reach a point at which you feel overwhelmed by the stories and pictures in the media, you should avoid exposing yourself to them for a while.

Give help to others. The process of coming together to help each other can be profoundly healing for everyone involved, whether it is participating in organized assistance programs or just being a good listener to a friend.

In the hours and days following such tragedies, the initial shock begins to wear off, and other feelings may emerge, along with various psychological reactions that are common to people who have experienced a traumatic event. These psychological reactions often appear weeks or months after the event and can manifest physically, cognitively, or emotionally.

Common physical reactions

  • Fatigue or exhaustion, even when you’ve slept
  • Disrupted sleep
  • Loss of motivation
  • Anxiety
  • Restlessness, or inability to relax
  • Nightmares or daydreams about the event
  • Exaggerated startle reactions
  • Headaches
  • Digestive problems

Common cognitive reactions

  • Intrusive thoughts or pictures that you can’t get out of your mind
  • Disrupted concentration
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Forgetfulness
  • Misplacing or losing belongings
  • Difficulty remembering some part of the event
  • Deliberate efforts to avoid thoughts and/or feelings about the event
  • Inability to focus on anything other than the crisis
  • Questioning why the violence happened to you

Common emotional reactions

  • Fear
  • Grief
  • Anger, irritability
  • Strong reactions to reminders of the event (e.g., sirens)
  • Worrying that an unpredictable tragedy might happen to you or someone you love
  • Decreased interest in activities you usually enjoy
  • Emotional numbness or feelings of detachment
  • Feeling helpless
  • Depression
  • Isolation or withdrawal
  • Shame, guilt, self-blame
  • Feeling like you are “in a haze”
  • Powerlessness
  • Feeling loss of control, especially over emotions
  • Feeling disconnected from oneself and/or other people
  • Distrust of self and others

Common social/relational reactions

  • Difficulty keeping up with regular routine
  • Distancing/isolating from friends and family
  • Decreased productivity
  • Fear of being alone
  • Difficulty in relaxing
  • Increased drinking or drug use (not necessarily because of desire or for pleasure)
  • Increased sexual activity (not necessarily because of desire or for pleasure)
  • Sexual difficulties
  • Common worldview reactions
  • Questioning and/or loss of faith
  • Distrust of people
  • Distrust of self and ability to make decisions
  • Decrease in creativity

Emotional Healing

These reactions are painful but are parts of the normal process of responding to an overwhelming event. There are some ways to promote emotional healing in yourself and in others.

  • Recognize and accept your feelings as normal responses
  • Be aware that feelings about previous traumatic experiences or losses may be stirred up for you by current event(s)
  • Reach out and make contact with others when it’s comfortable
  • Maintain your usual schedule as much as you can, but be flexible — give yourself permission to take “time out”
  • Get extra rest and set aside time to relax
  • Eat regular, balanced meals even if you don’t feel hungry
  • Exercise or participate in some regular physical activity, such as walking
  • Avoid using alcohol or drugs to cope
  • Give and get support from people you trust
  • Rely on ways of coping that have worked for you in the past, like writing in a journal, listening to music, or meditating
  • Try not to berate yourself for having any of these reactions. After all, they are signs of your humanity
  • Connect to communities that you trust

Resources available on campus

Furman Counseling Center, First Floor Hewitt, 212-854-2092
Dean’s Office,105 Milbank, 212-854-2024
PCHS, Lower Level Brooks Hall, 212-854-2091
Well Woman, First Floor Reid, 212-854-3063
Public Safety, First Floor Barnard Hall, 212-854-3362
After-Hours Emergency On-Call Line, 1-855-622-1903